truth

"The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken." -Psalm 16:6-8

This season has been far from easy, but the Lord has positioned me where I need to be fully dependent and aware of my need for him for EVERYTHING. I am a weak and weary mother in desperate need of God's grace.  It's a fight to believe sometimes that my limits and boundaries are "pleasant" as the psalm says. Often times I struggle with being a mom. I struggle with the way I look, with always feeling depleted, with feeling inadequate, and with being in a season where everything I do feels so repetitive and mundane. I never knew how sacrificial mommy-ing would be and how hard it is to fight for joy in the midst of pouring out your life even if it's on those you love. I can't imagine doing this without knowing the God who poured out his life for me. It is his care and love for me that strengthens me and enables me to care for you. I never knew how we would make it this far but his hand has been faithfully guiding, always helping me to fix my mind on him and his many promises.

And when my mind is set on the Lord, all things that are mundane have purpose, all the repetitiveness become perpetual blessings, all my inadequacy seems sufficient if I am in Christ, and all the depletion is filled with the truth that he will make all grace abound to me to do His work.  And as far as not looking my best, having my soul happy in the Lord is what I want people to really see. I am looking forward to the days to come.  The more I get older the more of Christ I have to look back up on.



Some recently favorite moments:

An attempted Christmas picture (taken 2 weeks after Christmas to be honest)

Danny and I had to miss his work trip to Mexico. Instead we took the kids to a surprise family trip to Great Wold Lodge and celebrated El's birthday. It was a very memorable time. We had so much fun as a family together and everyone had a good time. Eli was fearless and did anything he was allowed to do.

i just love her

Noah had his first season of basketball, (with the amazing coach daddy:). He scored 2 shots his last game, and I just love how he immediately looks at me to make sure i saw it.
 He also likes to show people how he "dabs."

I love the seeing the sunrise outside the kitchen window in the morning. I stopped the kids from eating breakfast to let them see a glimpse of God's glory. Chloe really likes his artwork :) One time Noah came yelling inside as I was preparing dinner and told me to hurry outside. He led me to the porch and wanted to show me a beautiful sunset just because he knows I love to see it. 

crazy hair day

that smile

breakfast date with mom

one of my favorite valentines

big girl food

Grace is 8 months

Grace,

You are 8 months and I am absolutely adoring you. Things are starting to settle down some, and you are getting much easier to care for.  It helped that you said "mama" by 7 months :) You are rolling over (only if you really have to) and giggling a ton. You love your siblings and often greet them with lots of squealing and a wave. I love to greet you after your naps by singing as I slowly walk in to your room. I see you grin with anticipation as I do, and once you see me the giggling and kicking begins. You are starting to realize that food is yummy, and that the food we eat is yummier than yours. You refuse anything in a pouch and scream for what we are eating. The second I bring it to your lips you open wide. You love my chicken noodle soup :) You are beginning my favorite stage of the baby years, and I am really enjoying every moment with you before it flies by. I actually wanted to blog earlier, but I had a chance to rock you as you were sleeping and I had a hard time putting you down. You are still chunky all over and I just love to kiss and snuggle with you.  I love you!

Happy 3 Eli!

Elijah,

This week you turned 3. You have been so excited about your birthday. The weeks leading up to it you kept singing, "Happy birthday to you... Happy Birthday Eli's birthday coming uuuup,  happy birthday to you!" And yesterday when we sang, you joined and sang loud, and grinned that grin that squints your cute little eyes. We gave you a leaf blower for your birthday because you love to do yard work with dad. You've been powering that thing all day (since 6 am this morning).  You looked me in the eyes and said, "Mom, I really like it, please don't recycle it." You know me well.  You get so easily excited about every little thing you get to do, and you make sure to re-announce anything that makes you happy as if no one heard.  For example, if dad asks you in front of me if you want to go to the store with him, you look at me and shout,  "Mom, I going to the store with daddy !!!! (!!!!)"

Yesterday, Gracie toppled over and you sat behind her in the family room while she played in case she fell again. Then dad surprised you and told you about your birthday lunch to which you responded, " Mom, I go lunch with dad, can you make sure Gracie not fall over?" And then you scurry along your little way.

You are so friendly and you love to be around people.  You eagerly anticipate Chloe's arrival from school at noon and then Noah's at 3. When Noah comes in, you take his lunch box and finish ALL his leftovers :) You love to play with all your siblings and you are very close with Chloe and Noah now. It's so cute how you follow every move and repeat everything they say.  They are your best friends. They have had your present ready for weeks now. They wrapped you some pictures they made, some of their valentine's day candy, buttons, pipe cleaners and a few coins. You were so blessed by their gifts.  You love Gracie too. You beg to hold her, and when I give her to you, you return her after a nanosecond because she's "too heavy."  Right now you are very into nerf guns, puzzles, trains, and singing. You're favorite songs are, He Who is Mighty and Away In a Manger.  You also love to read books and snuggle with me on the couch. It's one of my favorite things about you.

Eli, you are an absolutely adorable kid and you are just so much fun.  We are constantly looking at you talking about how cute you are and how funny you are. You make us laugh and your smile is so contagious.  It really brightens up everything. I love to tickle you just to hear your laugh and see that smile. Aunt Stephanie said you have little wise eyes, and I think she's right. You get them from Gido :) I just wish I could keep you this little as long as possible. I am truly going to miss your little years. We love you so much and are grateful to the Lord for the big bundle of joy we get to call our son. Happy Birthday son!

 presents from Noah & Chloe

 Your new leaf blower

You ended your night reading with the other birthday boy, Grandpa! 

Noah is turning 7

Noah,

Today my first baby turns seven. I honestly remember when you were a baby, looking forward to when you would call me "mommy" and saying "I love you".  Now we are way passed that, and you call me mom, and you say a "I love you" and lots of funny things.  I don't know if it's appropriate to spell it out on the blog, but lets just say you were a little intrigued when I was nursing Grace the first few months. You are telling jokes, and it's fun watching you crack yourself up. That's what really makes me laugh.

This year first grade has been a lot harder than kindergarten.  On orientation day, you're biggest concern was that there was no lego table.  We are so proud of how hard you are working.  You are outstanding at memorizing scripture, and you are reading faster thanks to all the star wars books you like to read. And speaking of Star Wars, I was never interested in it, and now I have come to enjoy it because it brings you so much joy.  Your artwork continues to revolve around it. Just this past week you came home with a gingerbread man holding a blue light saber.  Everything you draw or build is Star Wars, even my Mothers day card.  For Halloween I surprised you with a Luke Skywalker costume and you were so happy.  I kinda bribed you because I didn't want to see my sweet boy in a Darth Vader costume.

At home things have been challenging these last few months, but you've stepped up your game and are quick to help when needed. A lot of times you initiate doing things without even being asked because you want to bless me. You are so sweet and caring towards Grace, and she is very quick to smile when she sees you even if you aren't making her laugh.  She adores you and you do a good job making sure she isn't being bothered. You and Chloe are still good friends despite you're normal conflicts. You do a great job coming along side of her when she doesn't want to do things and encourage her, especially with swimming.  Then there's Eli who just loves being with you and doing big boy things with you like legos and nerf guns. He's so excited when you come home. What's been really funny is that he always goes to your back pack and eats your leftover lunch. Dad right now enjoys coaching you in soccer and basketball, reading with you, watching you swim and playing games that you enjoy like light saber fights, cards and wrestling.  This week he is taking you skiing for the first time:) You've done a real good job trying new things even if you don't think you'll like it.  I enjoy playing legos with you, reading with you, watching you learn the piano and just laughing with you.

Noah, we are so proud of the boy you have grown to be.  You have a sweet and gentle spirit and all your friends are drawn to you because of your kindness. You are sensitive to peoples needs and love to share your things and care for those around you.  Thank you for being a part of my favorite 7 years. Happy Birthday! We love you so much!

Chloe turned 5

Chloe,

I don't know where to begin. My goodness you have so much energy and life in you. You are constantly busy and chatting. When you are not here or when you're sick the house just doesn't seem right. This past year you have matured so much. Having a little sister has really brought out your nurturing side, and you are so loving and compassionate towards Grace. You are also an amazing sister to Eli. You help him with everything, potty training, getting him dressed and being his playmate. Just in the past couple months you have become better friends. When he was sick a few weeks ago, he just wanted you to hold him :) He does everything you tell him. Recently you guys were playing the story of Samuel and Eli from the Bible together. I overheard you saying to Eli.." Now you say, Is that you Lord?, speak so you're servant can hear you." You pick up things so quick it makes me laugh.

You are also best buds with Noah.  You two have built some amazing lego creations together. You guys recently wrote/ made a book together that I will keep for years to come. You are so smart and a quick learner. You've already started to read! You and I have been reading Noah's Kindergarten books and you just want to keep going. This past fall we took off your training wheels on your bike, but now we just have to teach you how to stop :) You also did ballet and gymnastics but you preferred gymnastics. You love to bake and cook with me, and you love to wrestle with daddy and be tickled by us. Oh and how could I forget... CRAFTS. That's all you really want to do. You love to color with me. You are always making stuff and more stuff. There's tape and scraps all over the house. Mom -mom just bought you some more crafts and has come up here just so she can do them with you. You have so many pictures you've made that you just stack them in a drawer and use them as your birthday cards. You also put them in envelopes and give them to random people when they come over.  For Christmas you want more play doh. I never knew a kid who loves it as much as you.

You have a strong personality and are very persistent.  Dad thinks you would be good in sales.  You are a great helper wherever you are. I get that feedback from a lot of people. I love your heart to help and I hope the Lord softens your heart and that you would serve him above all else. We love you so much and are praying for you Chloe!

 It looked better on pinterest. Oh well, I tried.

 Your pose made me laugh. It's so "you".

Now a family of 6

I'm actually not surprised it took me this long to update. I am still determined to keep these memories at least for a couple years until you guys can remember for yourselves :) Life has been absolutely crazy. Grace is almost 6 months old! I remember going into labor and not knowing for sure if it was labor. (You would think I would know by now). But I got to the hospital just in time! Just about 2 laters at 10:58 pm Grace Mary was born at 8 lb 12 oz and 21 1/4 inches long :)  The delivery went great overall, and the recovery has been bumpy. I am so grateful for the timing of things. Having a summer baby was actually nice. I have missed out on a lot of things but the older 3 were kept busy while I recovered. Postpartum days are difficult for me. It is a time of weakness and struggle. But even now, just 6 months out, I can already look back and see the Lord's hand in things. My mom was the biggest means of grace. I feel like she kept us sane and alive at times. But more importantly, people emailing me truth and praying for me gave me hope in my darkest moments.  I am so grateful that this season was shorter than I anticipated, and with each passing day, life is starting to feel normal although I don't know what normal really is :)

Grace,

I am so glad you are finally here. A year ago I couldn't even picture what it would be like to have another member, another girl, in our family. And now it already feels as you've always been here. You by far have been the most difficult, but it's not your fault and we do not love you any less.  I never knew what colic was like until we had you. The first couple months you cried a lot.  I walked and bounced with you a lot (hoping I would lose more weight in the process), and daddy put you in the stroller and walked many loops in the middle of the night trying to calm you down. So now at almost 6 months, it is such a relief that those days are over for you, and everyone is truly enjoying you. Your brothers and sister love to help care for you, hold you and try to make you laugh.  Noah always protects you and make sure no one is bothering you. Chloe likes to pick out your outfits and show you off wherever we go, and Eli likes to get in your face and say, "Hiiii Gacie."  I just asked daddy if there's something he wants to tell you and he said, " I love your dimples, but you're killing me." Well yes, you still hate sleeping at night and we are working on that. As for me, I enjoy your smiles, your belly laughs and your chunky things.  I'm enjoying snuggling with you when I can as I know you will be running around this house in no time.  We love you so much and despite the challenge you have been, you have been an added blessing to all our days. We look forward to getting to know you. We love you!

 

 I just love this. He couldn't stop hugging you.

 How tiny you were!

 

 5 months!

Grace

"For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" - John 1:14-18

When I found out we were pregnant with the 4th, my heart was not at ease. There were sleepless nights, anxiety attacks and lots of tears. We had dreamed of four children, but we had received medical counsel and care from others that enduring through another pregnancy & recovery would not be wise for us.  I actually prayed for a while that I would be content with this, and learned contentment rather quickly. Three was good and plenty, and I was happily set on being a family of 5. BUT GOD, had a different plan for us and wanted this 4th baby in our life.  Danny soon built up the faith for the 4th and of course thrilled, while I was terrified of whats to come. I remember the initial prenatal visits honestly finding comfort in the thought that, "I could still miscarry."  

This has not been an easy pregnancy, especially while caring for 3 other ones.  I knew I couldn't do another pregnancy, but what I have learned these past 9 months is that "I" haven't.   The Lord has truly carried us, and everything that I had feared has been quite distant and we have experienced nothing but grace and peace.  I started off having lots of questions about God's purposes, his will, his discipline and his mercy. I was just all over the place. But through the help of Danny & friends (yes by name, because I want my kids to know how much these girls mean to mommy), Marilyn, Lauren, Annie, Ally, Hannah & Kristine, they have helped me shift my eyes of my self, and my limited understanding, to Jesus and his unending love and wisdom.  What he has shown me is far greater than what I may never understand. It is from Christ's completed work on the cross that I have no reason to doubt that he will meet us in difficult times to come. It is from him that we have received grace for each moment up until now, and there are no signs of this fountain of grace ending now.  I feel like I've been drenched in it at times. So many have told me that they've been praying for us, and I know they have. I have concluded this pregnancy overwhelmed at  God's kindness in allowing us to have this baby, grateful for his faithful care through our church and close friends, full of faith that He will sustain us for the days and nights to come, and of course full of joy to meet our little girl, Grace.

We had other names in mind until this name came to my mind one afternoon.  The other names then made no sense to me, and I couldn't even think of anything more suitable.  I told Danny, he immediately agreed and there was no turning back. Grace is to come...

 

last week as a family of 5

Yep, probably my first and last "diy" project, at least for a while...