Saturday, May 26, 2018

Update in words...

Sorry Kiddos, this has been the worst year of blogging and I'm afraid it's probably going to get worse. The good thing for Noah and Chloe is that now you are getting older, you can remember more for yourselves so there might be more focus on the little guys. Life has been very full. Mothering 4 children is no easy task.  I've pictured all the fun, but every season brings its challenges. I honestly have felt incredibly weak lately and very inadequate for this calling, and these harder times have left me feeling guilty and hopeless. It can be such a fight for faith. If there was no Jesus, if there was no death on the cross, if there was no powerful resurrection, if there were no mercies for all my imperfect days, and no hope for eternal life, THEN all then all I am doing here at home is worthless. BUT I have to trust God can redeem even our worst days for our good. I can honestly look back at these times and see how God has a firmer grip on me than I ever will have on him. At one point this past week I felt so desperate for God to show himself to me, and while i didn't get the "help"I was looking for I was gently reminded that he was there (thanks to a random text from a faithful and maybe prophetic friend). I am so grateful that He is unchanging and that nothing I do can make him love me more, and nothing I do will make him love me less. And I am so grateful for one of my favorite devotions from Spurgeons Morning & Evening that never fails to encourage my soul....

"Looking unto Jesus."
It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of his children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: he tells us that we are nothing, but that "Christ is all in all." Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee--it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee--it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument--it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on him; let his death, his sufferings, his merits, his glories, his intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to him; when thou liest down at night look to him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after him, and he will never fail thee.
"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name."