a song in my head

The Lord always brings this song to mind, and if I could pick a song to keep on singing for eternity, it might be this one.  It speaks to me regardless of what kind of day I've had, and I never tire of it.  I sing it when I'm weighed down by my sin and need to be reminded that I am no longer enslaved to it, and I sing it when my heart is full of praise for what God has done for me.  The Loftness's weren't home this evening, so I was singing extra loud :)

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Chloe turns 3

Chloe, Chloe, Chloe,

I repeat your name several times a day to either get your attention or make sure you aren't getting into anything. You are a very busy person.  When the house is silent, something is up.  When it is not silent, it is because you are talking.  The other day we went to Tayta's house together.  It's a 45 minute car ride and I tried to time the longest time frame you went with out talking. It was barely a minute! You are so curious and you ask a million questions. "Why is that man walking that way?, What is on that truck?  Where are all the peoples going?"  And then there are the follow up questions, "What are they going to do there? Are they going to get a shot at the doctors?  And somewhere I want to include that the last word of all your statements and questions is a high pitched note.  You have so much energy and sometimes I feel we all feed off of it and sometimes we are just weighed down by it.  We started you in preschool a little early just to get you out of the house and interrogate someone new:) You really couldn't have been more ready. You love preschool.  You always greet your teachers with a question, "What is that? Why are you wearing that necklace?"  Oh and you love jewelry! You love to wear mommy's necklaces and then lose them. But back to school... You love circle time and a song we sing together, "My mother is a Baker".  You also love "Good and Gracious', and "Give me Self Control."  The other night you were singing yourself to sleep, "help me to be self-controlled." Mommy always needs to hear that song too!! You learned 2 memory verses this year, Romans 5:8 and Colossians 3:20.  You are also now participating in our "highs and lows" conversation at dinner time.  It's amazing how much a child transitions from 2 years to 3 years of age.  It make me sad that you are becoming a big girl.  You have become a big sister and love to take care of Eli.  You also look up to Noah and learn a lot from him.  You admire the things he gets to do, and always say thing like, "When I am tall like Noah, I can do that too!" You learned how to ride a bike like Noah this year too. This past year I painted your toes for the first time.  I hope to start having mommy dates with you soon.  Right now we get lots of special times when Noah is in school, and we typically play with play doh, puzzles and the matching game while we eat our veggie sticks. You have become such a good friend to Carly.  You use to scare her with your overbearing hugs and now you welcome her, and share with her, and wear heels and necklaces with her. You are quite the character and you always make us laugh.  This past weekend we went camping.  My biggest fear was that you were going to fall in the fire, and with your ER record, it was very likely.  Daddy and I always tell you what might happen if you get hurt because you are so fearless! So we introduced to you the reality of death.  Of course, it means nothing to you right now. At the campsite we set up some chairs for you to walk BEHIND, so you don't get to close to the fire. Well, one time you forgot and ran across the front, and shaking-ly said, "Daddy, I almost die."

Chloe, I could talk about you for hours, and daddy and I are so blessed that we get to hear and see these things firsthand.  We are so grateful to the Lord that you get to be our daughter.  Last night, I was talking with Annie about what our prayers are for our children.  My prayer is not that you would have all the things that the lies of this world will tell you that you need in order to be content and satisfied.  Our biggest prayer is that you would have a dramatic testimony.  A dramatic testimony, meaning the one where God pours out his grace and saves you at an early age.  We desire for you to know the God that mommy and daddy know, the God who is more real to me each day as we parent our 3 kids,  the God who has gives us wisdom in training you and is teaching us how to instruct you.  We have learned about his unconditional love, his patience, his forgiveness, and his grace. We want you to be happy in the Lord and be satisfied in what he has accomplished for you, on your behalf, on the cross.  We love you so much and happy 3 years old!

July 26 & July 27

I started this a while back and never got to finishing it! It's so much easier to post pictures because of time. I miss my days of journaling...

July 26 and July 27th are two unforgettable dates for me and the fact that they are back to back allows for more time to dwell on the Lord and his purposes.  July 26th was the birthday of my older brother, Rany. He was killed in a car accident when I was 6.  My uncle Samuel, who was my dad's brother, was also killed in the same accident. I remember the nights and the days after that day pretty vividly.  It was a day that changed my family forever.  July 27th, was the due date for our glory baby.  An ultrasound of a lifeless baby and the feeling of leaving the hospital without our baby wrenched my heart for many months to follow.


Grieving has been a part of my life for a long time.  The effects of losing a child can lead to a life filled with doubts, fear, anxiety and depression.  These thoughts and emotions have been part of my experiences for as long as I can remember as I watched my parents grieve and experienced it for myself.  Right now I don't feel a need to encompass all the details surrounding those events. I want to blog on the God who orchestrated those events, purposing them for my good.  I blog our family life for my children.  All my posts are trying to keep up with all the things they are learning to do and all the fun we are having. I want to make an effort to blog more about the God we are trusting and the God we love to serve. I love the lyrics to one of my favorite songs which we sang on our wedding day, and this is what I've been learning since...

"The Lord has promised good to me

HIS WORD MY HOPE SECURES

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures"

There were and are still many nights I battle truth. Truth that promise that the Lord is at hand, that he will not let me be tempted beyond my ability, that his grace is sufficient, that suffering produces endurance, and that my "momentary afflictions are preparing me for and eternal weight of glory." This is what keeps me going. 

During my various trials, I am so grateful for friends who have directed me back to truth. His word truly has secured my hope.  Regardless of what I am feeling, I can trust that my hope is not on my outcome, but His word. And this will be true for unforgettable dates to come.  My dear friend Lauren sent me this from Spurgeon's, Morning & Evening, and it's become my favorite read:

"Looking unto Jesus" heb 12:2

It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of His children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: He tells us that we are nothing, but that "Christ is all in all." Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee--it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee--it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument--it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on Him; let His death, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to Him; when thou liest down at night look to Him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after Him, and He will never fail thee.

"My hope is built on nothing less,
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness:

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus' name."

2014 summer wrap

in pictures....

becoming best
of friends

Frederick Keys game

play date with our neighbor & friend, Jason

weeee!

Black Hills

favorite lunch

first solids

so cute

long afternoons

first and last time at the pool :(

brotherly love

playdates

bike rides

he's built some pretty impressive airplanes

good times

first cart ride

getting so big

Beach with the Averills..

first time!

 Chloe calming the storm

 I love my man

And then school started...

And once more, beach with the Devries...